"It feels like you're breaking up with me!" These were the words that a former manager of mine blurted out years ago when I told him I had been approached by another company and had decided to accept their offer for a new position.  I had been part of a fairly small group of people reporting to this manager.  We worked well together, had complimentary skills and made our boss look good, so he saw my departure as very personal.  No surprise.  He was human and his first thoughts were about what this meant for HIM, not what it meant for me.  

I expect many managers take it somewhat personally when a direct report 'breaks up' with them, but it is more important to focus on the big picture when a valued colleague or team member resigns. Although workers do sometimes resign because of incompatibility with a manager, there are typically other causal factors, many of which can be addressed once we are aware they exist.  From the perspective of decades of managing an extensive variety of individuals and functions, here are my top five 'addressable' elements:

1. Become fully involved in the 'people strategy' for your organization. Workforce strategy and talent management are not the sole purview of Human Resources.   Line managers should be integral members of the teams determining core competencies and creating job descriptions; assessing compensation plans; actively participating in recruiting, interviewing, selection and on-boarding; determining and managing KPIs; formulating protocols for raises and bonus calculations; and other key elements that ultimately produce the individuals and teams who are held accountable for the deliverables to the clients and customers of the organization.

2. Be alert for tell-tale signs of discontent, lack of motivation, extremely high stress or just plain boredom among your teams. There are certainly natural ebbs and flows of any work situation and not every day is marvelously packed with highly engaging interactions and intellectual gratification, but persistent symptoms that a member of your team is becoming disenchanted should be addressed early and often. It is a shame to lose someone because of neglect.

3. Be certain you understand what truly motivates each member of your team and to the best of your ability to do so, provide opportunities for each person to engage in the types of activities that are likely to be drivers of each individual's best performance. It is a mistake to think that money motivates everyone equally, although lack of 'fair' compensation can be an underlying factor in many resignations. You do not have to guess about these factors: there are numerous assessment tools to help your teams articulate their values, drivers and motivators. Discuss the assessment results and be realistic about what you may be able to do to address them.  If implemented in an authentic fashion, the assessment process itself sends a very positive message.

4. Do not ignore the steady performers by focusing only on the at-risk-of-leaving members of your teams.  If you do, you may soon find that your steady performers are at risk of leaving, as well.  Stay close to your team members, stay on top of what they are doing well and not so well, engage in informal and formal performance reviews and address signs of discontent promptly and practically. Do not play favorites, share the limelight and be a mentor as well as a manager.

5. When a member of your team resigns, be gracious and try not to take it personally. Although this is not a hard and fast rule, in my experience when someone decides to move on, the decision has not been made without due consideration.  Post-resignation is not the best time to plead for someone to stay: if you can offer a better situation for the individual after resignation, it begs the question of why you did not do so earlier... when it would have been more meaningful and less of a last ditch effort. My observations of last ditch efforts are that even if the individual agrees to remain, it is only a matter of time before he/she departs the organization, because the fundamental reasons for the resignation have not been addressed.

So, when a team member breaks up with you, express your regrets and your best wishes for success in the new opportunity, and move forward.  Oh, and yes, do schedule an exit interview: they are sometimes perfunctory but they also may yield some useful information.  And most importantly, engage with your current team, discuss the departure and get a sense of how everyone is reacting, especially if it means they will have to assume the now-unassigned duties.  Now your objective is to focus on how best to retain all those other valued and talented members of your team. You do not want another break-up... it is hard to do.